Really? Why would you subject yourself to getting up at 4am and going to Target or Walmart just to get a few buck off some shitty product that they sell. Those stores and all stores like them, suck ass, and I hate going to them on the other 364 days of the year. I can't even imagine what they are like when you pack them with a shit ton of suburban bargain hunters.
I know that times are tough and people are looking to make the holidays happen a little cheaper. I have a suggestion. Buy less. Instead of buying a bunch of shitty, cheap gifts that are not even made in the USA, for the ones that you love. Get them one really cool thing. Or if times are really tight, think of something original. Bake some fucking cookies, who hates cookies! Get up off your ass and make something. I guarentee that your someone special will like that a hell of a lot more than a fucking tie rack or pantyhose holder.
If you do have a few bucks. Then do what I do every year. The day before Christmas Eve, start off at a bar, in an area where there are several shops and stores. Have a couple of drinks, go to a store, buy some shit, go to another bar. Repeat as much as necessary until your shopping is done. If you are lucky, by the time you are done you will not only have finished your shopping but you should have one hell of a buzz. Plus, if you are single or not, the holidays are really stressful and the best way to combat stress... Sex! Your chances of meeting a morally challenged young lady are greatly increased.
Finally, take a cab home and sleep in.
Have a shitty Thanksgiving!
Sincerely,
Captain Shitty
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