Charlie Sheen - Asshole or Not?

ASSHOLE! Yep that's right. Charlie Sheen is a fucking asshole and we all know it. But then again, so am I and so are most of my friends. Here's what I think...

Charlie Sheen got pissed off at the creator, Chuck Lorre, of his stupid show. I think the show is called, "Two and a Half Men." Really gay title, I wonder if the creator may be hiding something? It's fucking Hollyweird, of course he is hiding something. I know that if I shook this Chuck Lorre guy, a shiton of bones would fly out of his ass. Anyway, back to my point. Sheen got pissed and spoke out, in public.

Dear Charlie Sheen,

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie what the fuck were you thinking? I know that you consider yourself a rock star. I know that you love drugs, alcohol and hooker's. So do I, who wouldn't, those are 3 of the best things on the planet and you have the money to really do it right. But you know Hollywood better that anyone. Fuck! You were born into it. You should have known that they were out to fuck you in the ass. These hollywood bastards were looking to take you down and they may just have done it. They are trying to group you in with Mel Gibson, by saying that you are anti-symetic. That is the kind of shit that will ruin you and the fucked up thing is...they don't even have to prove it. Once you lose the public. Your a goner and you know it.

So get the hundred dollar bill out of your nose. Put the shot of whiskey down. Pull your dick out of what is probably the best looking hooker I'll NEVER have and get your career back! Don't get your career back for yourself, or your fans. Get it back for the fucking money!

Good luck, my fellow asshole.

Sincerely,

Captain Shitty

A Single Man

I came across a truly great movie last night. The only reason I mention it is because good movies are becoming harder and harder to find. This movie stars Colin Firth as a gay British professor living in Los Angles in the 1950's. His boyfriend of 16 years dies in a tragic car accident. He is so grief stricken that he wakes up one day and decides to kill himself. His love for his friend is so great that he literally cannot live with out him.

What struck me about this movie is his devotion and deep love of another person. So much so, that he chooses not to live anymore. The question that kept running around in my head was... Is that kind of love even possible? I want to tell you all a little story...

Several years ago a good friend of mine thought that he had found the love of his life. He even took it as far as to marry her, what a fucking dumb ass. Even though none of his friends, including myself, had the balls to tell him, she was not as into him, as he was into her. There was a sorta sadness that lived within her, that made her distant. Surely he sensed it. I know now, that he even though he has not heard nor seen her in years, he still loves her. He meant every word he said that ill fated night in October when he said those vows in front of his friends and family. Don't words mean anything, anymore? Did she not mean what she said? Did she not love him? Why would she even marry him if she was not committed. "For better or worse?"

Poor sap. I really feel for the guy.

So the question still remains. Is that kind of love even possible? Isn't love suppose to be forever? Maybe, maybe not. I think some asshole said, "it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." I would say that is right. I have had several loves in my life and I plan on having several more... "For better or worse."

Cheers friends!

Good night.

Captain Shitty

Harry Reid - Senator from Nevada

Dear Harry Reid,

Go fuck yourself! Are you out to totally fuck up your entire state? I would like you to remember something...Nevada is a fucking desert! The only thing you can do is Gamble, Drink and Fuck. And you want to take the Fuck out of the State? Are you losing your mind?

So let me get this straight. You want to get rid of legal prostitution? Because illegal prostitution is better? Let me assure you of one thing you turd steak, wherever men gamble and drink...Hookers will follow. Are you too stupid to understand this FACT. So keep it legal and shut the fuck up!

Sincerely,

Captain Shitty

Dear Dennis Hof,

Even though I have never been to your place of business, it makes me feel better that you are there. The Moonlite Bunny Ranch gives me a warm fuzzy feeling, just knowing that a place like yours exists. I look forward to the day that I can walk into your establishment with a stack of cash and have my fun in a legal, clean, establishment.

You really need to go after this fuck tard, Harry Reid who is trying to undermine not only you but your entire state. Maybe you should invite him out to the ranch? No fuck that, he does not deserve to hang with you and your girls. My bet is that he probably does not even like girls...

Anyway good luck. I think your quote "Harry Reid is going to have to pry the keys to the cat house out of my cold dead hands," sum's it up perfectly.

Take it easy friend and I look forward to meeting you soon.

Sincerely,

Captain Shitty

Primetime Television

Today I want to talk about a couple of great big huge hunks of shit that CBS and ABC have put on television.

First up: Mad Love (CBS) - It's about two couples living in New York City who fall in love. Gee whiz kids that story has never been told before... This show sucks. I've been to New York City and it's a pretty kick ass town. I could have filmed this sitcom in my parents basement. With a budget of the balance in my checking account ($17.68). This show is an insult not only to the city of NYC but to the people who live there. The jokes are not funny, I mean like worse that Jay Leno not funny and Jay Leno is the unfunniest guy on the planet. CBS usually puts out pretty good stuff, however in this case all they put out is a huge hunk of shit!

Second up: Mr. Sunshine (ABC) - It's about a guy who runs a Staples Center like venue and guess what? Wackeness insues. This show stars and was created by Matthew Perry. Yep, Chandler from Friends. And believe me it seems like Chandler did make this hunk of shit. This is probably the most NOT FUNNY show that has ever been created. I would rather sit in a corner and stare at a white wall than watch this shit. Matthew Perry should take a clue from Matt LeBlanc, that's right, Joey from fucking Friends and star in a show like Episodes. Now that show is funny, original, clever and fun. "How you doing...Matt". Matt is currently taking a huge shit at ABC. ABC should just take this show and shove it straight up the guys ass who green lit this hunk of fuck!

Sincerely,


Captain Shitty

Valentines Day aka "Love Day"

I can't think of a better reason to come back after a two and a half month "vacation" then to come back on the most bullshit holiday of all. Let's have a little history lesson. St. Valentine, he was a real person. Below is a small excerpt about his life:

The first representation of Saint Valentine appeared in the Nuremberg Chronicle (1493); Wow that was a long time ago. Let see what happened to this guy...

He was arrested and imprisoned upon being caught marrying Christian couples and otherwise aiding Christians who were at the time being persecuted by Claudius in Rome. Helping Christians at this time was considered a crime. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner – until Valentinus tried to convert the Emperor – whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that failed to kill him, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate.

Now that's some really romantic shit! Do you think St. Valentine would be happy that he was stoned (not the way that I am now) and beaten with clubs only to end up being beheaded for this holiday? A holiday that puts tons of pressure on Men and Women to be "romantic" around the world. Roses, Greeting Cards, Candy, Heart-Shaped Boxes, Jewelery, Dinner at an expensive restruant which is over booked and crammed with two tops of couples who are hoping to get laid. I forgot about e-cards, emails, texts, instant messages and the list goes on and on.

I tell you what, I have had many great loves in my life. And to tell you the truth, in hindsight, I would rather been beaten with clubs and stoned. I can't even tell you how many times "the love of my life" has ripped my heart out and put me through so much pain that a good beating would have cured. At least a good beating ends, and your wounds heal. With love...It stays with you forever, true love that is.

If you are one of those people who thinks that one time of year is the right time to show your significant other how much you love them by showering them with gifts and all kinds of other bullshit. FUCK YOU! If you truly love that person you should show them that you love them everyday. You should thank them for hanging out with your stupid ass.

Sincerely,

Captain Shitty

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Gays in the Military? Who really gives a fuck! Gay people have every right to fight for our country as anyone else does. This argument reminds me of what comedian Dennis Miller said about gay marriage. He said, "Gay people have every right to be just and miserable as the rest of us straight married people."

I asked my white, 65 year old father and fellow veteran, what he thought of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Keep in mind that he was in the military in the late 60's, a pretty hot time for civil rights. He said, "It sounds like the same bullshit when they did not want blacks in the military. They actually thought that they would contaminate the service and hurt the other soldiers."

I couldn't have put it better. What is the big fucking deal here? Is the military actually scared that the gays will turn the straight soldiers gay? That is just butt ass stupid. You would think that the military would have better things to do than make an issue out of something so fucking dumb. Let me name a few... Finding that fuck stain Bin Laden, getting the fuck out of the middle east, saving money, figuring out a way to get veterans kick ass medical benefits. Oh yeah, and maybe we could pay these Gays, Men, Women, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians etc... a little more that your average Wall-Mart employee.

I mean they only put their lives on the line everyday so that you can drive your Hummer to Best Buy to get the new Xbox. Then make a quick stop by Bed, Bath and Beyond in order to pick up the newest tampon holder. And you can't forget a quick stop at McDonald's to pick a huge sack of shit sandwiches.

So to all of you out there who are against gays in the military. Thanks for Keeping It Shitty and Go fuck yourself!


Sincerely,

Captain Shitty

Republicans fuck the poor and reward the rich

You slimy fuck bastards!

For those of you who don't know, the House today passed tax cuts for people who make 250,000.00 or less. They also passed a 3% tax raise for people that make more than 250,000.00. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said and I quote

"Republicans would block its passage in his chamber because it would amount to a tax increase for high earners.
“It’s not going to go anywhere” in the Senate, McConnell told reporters.

What a fuck. How on earth can this guy get away with saying something like that. If you think that is fucked check out what wonder boy, soon to be Speaker of the House, John Boehner said, he called the tax vote “chicken crap” during a press conference. “We’re 23 months from the next election and the political games have already started,” They sure have, the Republicans are out to fuck the poor. These assholes are self-serving rich fucks looking to protect their piece of the pie. They are like the kid on the playground that won't share the cool new toy.

Dear Democrats - grow a pair! You should have your foot all the way up the Republicans asses. As my man BIll Maher would say on his HBO series "Real Time with Bill Maher". President Obama you need to act a little more like George W. Bush. Get up in front of the country and say, "this is the way we are going to do it, if you don't like it, go fuck yourself!" Where is your voice? Are you going to continue to let the big bully on the playground push you around?

Oh yeah the Republicans also voted down the extension of unemployment benefits, again, three weeks before Christmas.

Fuck the poor and reward the rich.

Keeping it Shitty once again...Republicans!

Captain Shitty